Don’t Listen to the Neighbors

I came across this Chinese Proverb a little over a month ago that I think about pretty much all the time now. It’s about this farmer who goes through a series of events that many of us would say are either “good” or “bad”. For example, one day his son falls off of a horse and breaks his leg. His neighbors in the village are all like “Oh no! That’s terrible!”, to which the farmer replies “Maybe it is. Maybe not”. The next day or so, the national army rides through the village looking for young men to fight in the war. They get to the farmer’s house and pass over his son because of his broken leg. His neighbors (who always have something to say to him) come and say “Your son is safe! He doesn’t have to go fight! That’s great!”, to which the farmer replies with the same response as before. Maybe it was good that his son broke his leg and not get shipped off to war. Maybe it wasn’t. The whole point of the story is that over the course of our lives, no event that happens can actually be determined to be truly “good” or “bad”. We kind of just have to keep a level head and take things as they come. Sure, some events may seem better or worse than the previous thing you experienced, but you never know what’ll come next. The thought is also that you’ll never really know how the next event will compare to your previous situation because we obviously don’t live forever. Each of our lives is like a story with chapters that are better or worse than the previous chapter. But the thing about our story is that it could end before we get to the next chapter. Or another way to think about it is that whenever our last day on Earth comes, that marks the end of that chapter. I know that may not be the most encouraging thought, but that’s literally the best way I could say it without flat-out saying “when we die”.

I think that living your life with the mindset of taking things as they come, rather than comparing how good or bad they are to other experiences, makes for a much more comfortable life. And when I say comfortable, I don’t mean easy or without struggle. Just because you take things in stride, doesn’t mean you won’t have to struggle through something hard. I mean comfortable in the sense that you aren’t worried about what’s going to happen tomorrow, or still worried about what happened the day before. It’s kinda like the saying “play the hand you were dealt”. You didn’t ask for the cards you were given, or in relation to this, you didn’t necessarily ask for the situation you’re in. But instead of focusing on the cards you were dealt, you’re much better off doing what you can to win with that hand. You don’t get a hand in Uno and sit there the whole time doing nothing except watch the other players try to win. I think it’s the same way in life. You don’t just sit around and do nothing while others work with what they got. You try to go out and win too. I think there’s also a level-headedness and humbleness you have to have about yourself. You may say your current situation sucks. Okay, that’s fine. And it may be true in the moment. It may be worse than what your situation was yesterday. But the thing to keep in mind is that odds are, and I'm willing to bet on this (if I were a betting man), is that your situation is WAYYY better compared to what someone else is going through. Our experiences are all relative to each other. You just never really know most of the time. I think that’s why it’s important to be thankful in all situations we find ourselves in. Think about this year. The year 2020. Most of us would say this is the worst year ever. I know I’m guilty of saying that. And yeah, some things that are going on are worse than other things we have experienced. I think collectively, we can all agree that COVID and the ongoing social injustice in our country has had a huge impact on the way we view this year. But for some people, they would say this has been a great year. I would even go so far as to say I’m one of those people. When COVID hit, I think my life, or the word I’ve been using, “situation”, has improved a lot. At the same time though, I understand that I have to keep things in perspective and keep a level head. But I’m not gonna lie. COVID has been good to me personally. I would say it’s led me to be in a much better headspace. I got the chance to really sit back and think about my values and what I want out of life. I got the chance to evaluate how I interact with people and how the relationships I have affect my life. It’s been good. Going back to 2020, the caveat to all of this is the metaphoric village neighbors. Figuratively speaking, the “village neighbors” are EVERYWHERE. They can look like anyone or be anything. When I think about “village neighbors”, I think about the news and social media, friends, family, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. Some of these people and things intentionally try to change our mindset whenever input is given. For example, look at the news talking about COVID. I’ll let you form your own opinion about that, but I think you get the point. So yeah! These people and things may intentionally focus on the negatives, but at the same time they can hype you up when things are going well for you. But you have to remember to keep a level head, stay humble, and be thankful.

I still don’t really know how to end these things but that’s okay. I know its been a minute since my last post. The reasoning behind that is a combination of being on vacation, and then when I got back from vacation I just didn’t really feel like it. I hope you took something away from this though. Even if none of this made sense or you couldn’t follow my thoughts because they were all over the place (which could be the case. idk), then I hope you at least enjoyed reading it. If it did make sense, I hope you can take something away from the farmer. Whether it be keeping a level head or not letting the neighbors from the village get in your head. Keep level head, do your best to win with the cards you’ve been dealt, and I think you’ll be alright.